We all do our best.

Here is the thing I know my last post was probably quite pointed and sounded pretty harsh.  It was a sad dose of reality though my reality as a child.  I did have good times as I stated but I learned I had to hide who I was as a young child.  I learned that what I was is somehow less than the norm.  How can a child grow up and have any self esteem if the first things they learn is how evil they are.  How they are damned to live in eternal hell.  This is the real kicker though, I don’t blame my parents.  I am not mad at the world and am fairly well-adjusted I tend to think.  I really don’t have a crazy alternative lifestyle.  As a matter of fact I live quite a normal life despite what some might think.  I go to church on Sunday and work 9-5 Monday through Friday.   I rarely drink and do not like to ever drink and drive.  The sad thing is that I am disconnected from family though as they don’t want to accept my reality.  They don’t want to think of the possibility that who I am might be okay.  They can’t accept it and won’t.  They are this way because they grew up in the 50’s and in a small town.  This is where there minds just don’t function or think of the possibilities.  In their time things were and are black and white there is no shade of gray.  You see I understand completely why someone who is transsexual would not come out till there 50’s.  It’s a different world back then and there are things you simply do not question.  I believe that my parents and the generation before underwent some major mental and physical abuse.  Granted it’s not the majority, but even in the Midwest you can tell something is a miss.  I mean how else would you get so many passive aggressive people.  I believe this is not the norm but something that is a learned behavior.  It’s a way of being nice while being mean at the same time.  Its a survival technique and I think it has some deep roots in religion which shaped this part of society.  It’s also part of the reason I feel comfortable here, in an odd sort of way.  Back to my point though, we all do our best.  We all do what we think is best based on what we know.  Sometimes we need help, we can’t function ourselves for whatever reason but we try.  The problem is when that trying is out of hand.  For whatever reason we need to get help and get control.

The bigger issue that I see now in today’s society is almost the opposite.  I would say a lot of have come out of a society that felt it was okay to spank our kids.  It was okay to be semi abusive and now kids have zero discipline.  So the pendulum swings back and forth.  I hope that someday we all come to terms with everything and the pendulum is perfectly balanced.  I doubt though that we will see that in my lifetime but someday maybe we as human beings will get things right.  We will understand human behavior and parenting so we can build a better society.  At this point though we don’t have a clue.  We don’t know how to govern the people, raise anyone or get education and healthcare out to those that need it.  The problem is we have this greedy idea in mind that we know what is best, or that we only want whats best for us.  Really we need to band together as people and realize none of us have the answer for anything.  We all need to rely on one another and stop finding the differences and start finding the commonalities.  Once we realize that differences only tear us apart then maybe we can start mending the wounds and heal generations.  Till then maybe I am the 99% fighting the other 99%…