I usually try to think positive.  I was taught you should always think the best of everything and everyone.  Sometimes I wish I was taught the truth.  There is no love, there is no happily ever after.  Those ideas and the thought that love could conquer all no longer exist.  That was a fairy tale that I bought into.  I want to believe that it could happen.  I want to be honest with someone, open up everything that I am.  Be lost in someone for everything they are and every dream they have.  The sad reality is that no one I have ever met really wants the work that goes into that reality.  I probably shouldn’t whine and complain after all I am just a transsexual…  no one signed up for this kind of a marriage.  I just wanted to believe that we could conquer all.  I wanted to believe in happily ever after.  Even when our relationship was going down in flames, I wanted to hold onto that last spark.  I feel that if it dies something inside me will die with it.  Its time though, time to let go and let that piece of me die.

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