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I know its been about a month since I last wrote an article. So it’s about that time again to write another journal of thoughts. I have so many different things I could write about. It’s really been quite an eventful month and not all that good to be honest. I have always heard it said that things happen in threes, if thats the case I am way past that. I have had a month from hell and yet I am still as hopeful as ever. Everything starting going down hill this month when my other car broke down. Yes I already have another car, but it’s always had issues. This time I ran into a case where the significant other was going for her driving test. We went there and then realized the insurance card was expired. So I had to run in and get a fax of the current proof of insurance. In all that took about an hour. Then after we got that we walked back out to the car and poof it wouldn’t even start. Not even a click so there when one day getting that towed in. Everyone thought it was the starter so I ran quickly and got a starter. It was the last day for cash for clunkers and I thought maybe we could make it. I am not the best when it comes to mechanics and rather hate it but it was worth a shot. So I scrambled put a new starter in and still nothing. The car would not even crank over. So it was out for a good two weeks. Then I had it towed in again to another shop and found it was just an ignition wire, well part of something there anyways that got fried. In all this cost me well over 300 for the tow and the labor for an old car that I should have just traded in. Before all of this exactly one week before this our basement got flooded. It was so bad I had to have the carpet tore out of a room. I also pulled out two of the panels in the wall only to find dead mice (which is always a great sight) and more mold. My insurance doesn’t cover anything mold or a flooded basement and the outside drain well thats shot. We have a french drain so I am told where the pipe was clay and the pipe caved it. This was the major contributor to the whole issue. Then on top of this I had my son get really sick with a bad fever and jury duty to show up for. Well actually the jury duty was interesting. I showed up for a Federal Grand Jury summons and didn’t even have to make an excuse to get out of it. So maybe there is only three things that went wrong… or was there something more? Then this last week we have all been sick with the flu… I hope it’s not the swine flu but knowing my luck lately I wouldn’t doubt it. In all though I ran into some videos from JSavano on you tube and she was so right in what she said. I really have to hand it to her, she said something that got to me when I was out on my own. She said in her video that you can do anything in this life that you want. Its your choice and your life make the most of it and do what you want. She is so right its about setting goals for yourself believing in yourself and achieving wonderous things. So in all this month was hard but I know it can only get better from here at least I hope it does. I am also back on track working on my diet and doing lots of exercise again.
I almost lost my train of thought about this article. The real reason for the title is not my little issues but more a second thought on Las Vegas. The real reason I hated it there was not so much my issues of people seeing me and calling me out on being transgendered. That was not the most disturbing thing, and its bound to happen no matter how well you pass. The thing that really got to me was that when we start to transition we lay everything on the line. We hit a point where we say no more and chance everything we have on transitioning. Well its easy to say, and easy to hit that point for us. It’s not so easy to see other that hit that point and lost. When I went there I found many others that not only tried to transition they didn’t make it. You could see it in their eyes the desperation, the desire to be something more. Yet they where living on the streets as female kind of, with rags for clothing. It’s different when say you will risk it all and see those that fail. It’s almost surreal to see and very disheartening. So is it consequences for actions or just bad timing? I would tend to think and want to think there was something more that landed these people where they are now. Yet who can know? While it might seem wrong I want to think there is something more that happened, because I want hope. I want to be able to keep moving on with my life and have the hope that others will understand. I wonder though if we really live in a cold world that has no understanding and no place for those that are “different.” So is it really the world that tries to impose these consequences for those that are different or something more that happened? Yet I still have hope because I see people who are successful at it all the time. I just have the hope that maybe I can be one of those that is successful.