I know I don’t blog so much anymore. I really feel bad about not being on here so much, but there is a ton of content in here already. Its just hard to keep going back and talking about the same feelings. Trust me most of those feeling that where early on are still there. I have not transitioned completely although outside of work I live pretty much full time. I am still doing electrolysis like crazy and it hurts like hell and still working on my voice. So not much has changed. I still wish I could win the lottery and then go get whatever surgeries that I want, but that has not happened yet. I don’t know why I mean after all Publishing Clearing House said I am a winner for the 100 millionth time. My new job is also going well,but then I have only been there a short time.
What is new is that I got to meet Bebe from RuPauls Drag Race and I have another transsexual that I have meet. I know Bebe is not something most transsexuals would ever talk about. I really appreciate the idea on this one and how it was done. She is a very sweet person on television and her personality only helps all of us. Most of general public really has no idea what the difference is between drag, crossdressers, and transsexuals. So having this show out there on drag in a more positive light only helps. These people where portrayed as humans and not just some odd thing other than performing. I realize that’s a far reach from a transsexual, but it was a good and a positive step in my mind. So a special thinks to you RuPaul, Bebe, Nina Flowers, and Onjina. I think you showed that your compassionate and human. What really makes this great is that Bebe has moved on to help others and her show here was for AIDS donations. I really think its great when people use there popularity to make others lives better.
Other than that I meet someone that works downtown. She is a very different kind of transsexual that in a way I admire. She is not your glam kind of transsexual, or hyper feminine at all. She is very real, and in her mind very female. I admire her for that reason. She has no worries when she goes out and has lived full time since high school. She has never done electrolysis maybe for money reasons, but this has not stopped her at all. I admire that because as female as I look I still worry. I know I pass well because even when I am out with cd’s at a drag show once and a while people ask. I know at my height and with heals on I stand out, but never thought I would pass that well. Yet I still am scared that people know when I go out and here is someone that doesn’t care. She doesn’t pass and is solid in her gender and solid in who she is. I wish I felt that way and maybe it just takes time. If someone can tell I wish I was solid enough in who I am to stand up for myself and say something like its “madam.” I have never had to do that and don’t know if I would have the strength too. What can I say I am week in that area. This is probably why I mask everything and try to pass well enough that I won’t have to deal with that. I have a feeling when I transition at work I am really going to have to stand up for myself on this one… Hopefully I will grow through this and maybe that’s when I will be blogging a lot more.