Navajo Fry Bread, Indian Taco

I often enjoy making or trying new things.  Today my co worker had mentioned Indian flat bread.  I had never tried to make this but thought it looked wonderful.  The idea is very simple you take a simple bread like a pizza doe almost.  Then instead of baking it as you usually would you fry it in oil.  Then it bubbles up and cooks into a kind of crispy bread.  Its almost like naan bread but a little different.

I didn’t follow any sort of recipes but probably should have.  It came out wonderful though.  Looking at other recipes it looks like you should use powdered milk.  Here is what I did to make the bread.

2 cups of flour
2/3 cup of water
1 tbls of sugar
1/2 tbls yeast
1 teaspoon baking powder

I did not let the bread rise much at all.  It was only sitting for 30 min.  Then I took the bread and balled it up into golf ball size and flattened down with a roller.

Now to cook the bread.  This was the careful part.  I did it as a deep fat fry kind of thing and it was not easy.  The oil causes it to bubble really quickly and it over cooks quickly.  What you want is a nice golden crispy bread.  So keep the oil cool but not too cold.  Then once it has cooked up eat and enjoy.  I would think a good way to keep the oil from getting it soggy would be to put it into a pan on the oven at a light temperature.

I made mine into a taco, with turkey meat since we still had so much left over from Thanksgiving.  I made the Turkey meat with taco seasoning  cilantro, cinnamon basil, and onion.  Then made a salad with jalapeno, tomato, spinach, lettuce, celery, and topped it off with hot sauce.  Next time I will have to make the flat bread 100% correct and see how much of a difference it will be (link here for recipe).  Here is another picture of the bread and turkey meat.

We all do our best.

Here is the thing I know my last post was probably quite pointed and sounded pretty harsh.  It was a sad dose of reality though my reality as a child.  I did have good times as I stated but I learned I had to hide who I was as a young child.  I learned that what I was is somehow less than the norm.  How can a child grow up and have any self esteem if the first things they learn is how evil they are.  How they are damned to live in eternal hell.  This is the real kicker though, I don’t blame my parents.  I am not mad at the world and am fairly well-adjusted I tend to think.  I really don’t have a crazy alternative lifestyle.  As a matter of fact I live quite a normal life despite what some might think.  I go to church on Sunday and work 9-5 Monday through Friday.   I rarely drink and do not like to ever drink and drive.  The sad thing is that I am disconnected from family though as they don’t want to accept my reality.  They don’t want to think of the possibility that who I am might be okay.  They can’t accept it and won’t.  They are this way because they grew up in the 50′s and in a small town.  This is where there minds just don’t function or think of the possibilities.  In their time things were and are black and white there is no shade of gray.  You see I understand completely why someone who is transsexual would not come out till there 50′s.  It’s a different world back then and there are things you simply do not question.  I believe that my parents and the generation before underwent some major mental and physical abuse.  Granted it’s not the majority, but even in the Midwest you can tell something is a miss.  I mean how else would you get so many passive aggressive people.  I believe this is not the norm but something that is a learned behavior.  It’s a way of being nice while being mean at the same time.  Its a survival technique and I think it has some deep roots in religion which shaped this part of society.  It’s also part of the reason I feel comfortable here, in an odd sort of way.  Back to my point though, we all do our best.  We all do what we think is best based on what we know.  Sometimes we need help, we can’t function ourselves for whatever reason but we try.  The problem is when that trying is out of hand.  For whatever reason we need to get help and get control.

The bigger issue that I see now in today’s society is almost the opposite.  I would say a lot of have come out of a society that felt it was okay to spank our kids.  It was okay to be semi abusive and now kids have zero discipline.  So the pendulum swings back and forth.  I hope that someday we all come to terms with everything and the pendulum is perfectly balanced.  I doubt though that we will see that in my lifetime but someday maybe we as human beings will get things right.  We will understand human behavior and parenting so we can build a better society.  At this point though we don’t have a clue.  We don’t know how to govern the people, raise anyone or get education and healthcare out to those that need it.  The problem is we have this greedy idea in mind that we know what is best, or that we only want whats best for us.  Really we need to band together as people and realize none of us have the answer for anything.  We all need to rely on one another and stop finding the differences and start finding the commonalities.  Once we realize that differences only tear us apart then maybe we can start mending the wounds and heal generations.  Till then maybe I am the 99% fighting the other 99%…

Breaking the cycle…

There are things I have not talked about that I feel I should.  I know I said my last post would be the last but here is the thing.  It can’t be, you see this is more of a psychologist than anyone person could be.  The things I write and think on here are very personal and yet apply to so many people I feel.  Its such a messed up world we live in and yet I didn’t always think that way.  At one time I thought the world was very safe yet knew something was wrong something was off in my own house.  My reality was not the same as others I am sure… or maybe it was.  I often wonder how many other households and other people go through the same things if not even worse.  You see there are things I have not talked about in my past that have really shaped my future.  Little demons I need to let go of and forgive, forget about.  I don’t remember much before five years old and don’t know if that was a survival technique.  I often wonder if that is the reason I don’t remember things maybe I don’t want to remember them.  I do however know that what I remember of earlier years are not fond memories.  Well not all of them, there are few fond memories but very few.  Its ironic how we can grow up in an environment where we are taught of other religions and other families being so wrong.  Yet all the while we wonder about those families because we know something is not right in our homes.  I have often wondered if every fanatical person is not really hiding something else.  Maybe their own fears of life?  Maybe they were abused as well as children so they learn to control everything as a coping method.  Then later on they become the abuser because its a form of control.  The cycle continues and continues every generation sometimes getting worse and sometimes someone breaks the cycle.

You see some of my earliest memories are not peaceful, but those of being tossed down stairs wondering if something in my body was going to break.  Being beat with a belt till there were blisters on my butt, because after all the good book did say not to spare the rod and spoil the child.  There is something wrong though with picture, something very wrong.  I learned it was not right to fight back not right to be mad, because after all I deserved the abuse.  I did something very wrong after all I was just a greedy child, or out of line, or loud…  Then I would hear the parents fighting as well and would bury my head deep into my hands to try to block the sound.  I think at a very young age I moved my room to the basement.  This was my choice this was my way to get away and stay away.  I learned at a young age that out of sight it meant I could be out of mind.  It was my survival technique.  I hated spiders and the cold non insulated basement, but I would rather deal with them and not have to be part of what was going on.  You see my little family was never functional and still to this day it is not.  I am sure my parents were quite proud of their little accomplishment that I grew up so well adjusted till I transitioned.  Little did they know the fear they put into me of authority.  Little do they know me at all to be honest.  I don’t know that I really felt like they listened to me.  I mean how could they have?  Really I was there always as I am now.  Yet they didn’t want to see it and pushed it away, just like I moved to a basement.  Often I asked for things that they would never give me, dolls, hair, nails.  I think I got thrown down the stairs not at my house but a church leader for being in their daughters room playing dress up at six.  You see I learned to hide things, stay on the line as much as I could.  I tried not to cross it but was on that bitter edge of what my parents would allow.  It was our way of not talking about it, of avoidance of controlling the outcome of who I was to be.  It was mental manipulation and very effective for years.

I used to fear being disowned, I used to think that would be the worst.  As time has gone on I no longer fear that, you see its been 17 years now I have not lived at my home.  I grew close to my mother for quite some time but we kept things unsaid.  Its part of reason I came out, I was tired of living some lie of who I was supposed to be.  I find it all so ironic, you see my mother prayed for a daughter.  She never realized she had one all along just needed to listen.  Instead I hid, stayed in shadows for fear of what might of happened.  I thank God I did, it probably kept me alive or away from some really deep emotional scaring which I still have anyways.  Something was not right, and I learned what it was.  It was the fear of the unknown, its always the fear of the unknown.  My parents and I do love them choose a religion that was different than both their parents.  You see they found one that condemned the Catholics, the Mormons, and nearly every other denomination out there.  Its kind of sad that this belief I am afraid is almost neo Nazi and has taught some rather pointed hate sermons.  The more of think of it and the issues they must have faced the more I realize it is a form of control even in their religion.  The problem with control is that its an illusion.  No one has control of anything on this earth only what they can do with themselves.  Sometimes I know that can be the biggest challenge to control ourselves.  This is where I had to break the cycle.  This is why I stepped out did something completely crazy.  You see I didn’t want to continue the cycle.  I got control of myself and did what I needed to do to be at peace.  So if that is wrong, then I don’t know what is right anymore.  The cycle had to end and it ended with me.

Time to say goodbye?

I have been really neglectful of my blog for such a long time.  I really feel bad about it.  The truth is I am way too busy living life.  As such I am a single parent with two children that demand a lot of attention.  I have a house that I own, which takes time again from everything.  I also am a manager at my job which I really love.  As if that’s not enough I am on facebook as well which again kills my time.  I just don’t know that it makes sense keeping a blog up to date in this day and age.  It’s almost like the world is moving to tweets, moments of thoughts from many people rather than a blog of thoughts.  This way people can “like” a comment or remove you as a friend if they hate what you think (That actually happened last week).  So I am really moving towards just keeping this up for others as a resource.  Then staying on facebook for now and blog once and a great while.  If you are really curious you can add me as a friend.  The thing is I need to move on and just live life.  So the transition is past, while I still need other things.  So this blog would become, a day in the life of a woman.  As such I will be more active in fighting for equal rights for women.  To be stuck in anything else would seem kind of awkward to me, after all I am woman not anything else.  So for now its probably past time to say goodbye to new posts.

Why is the world so backwards Part II

Last time I tore into the republicans and not for the countless things that I could have… I tore into them for simple rights because my point was simple. While I never said exactly what that was I figured some might catch it. The issue is this, they don’t feel like everyone is equal so why treat them as such. I know harsh statement hu? Think about it though if you believed honestly that certain people were wrong, going to hell and didn’t want to change how would you treat them. Its much deeper than that as well but that is the simple starting point. Enough about Republicans though, I would rather shift. I have felt for a long time that it is pointless to vote. I know sad thing to say, but really if you live in a republican state to make a change vote democratic and if you are in a democratic state vote the opposite right? I mean what really are you going to accomplish? The way to make a change is really stand for something thats my feeling. Get a lobbyist group together and really start pulling for rights. Thats how you make a difference. But my feeling goes far beyond that. You see I believe my vote won’t make a difference because its not a two party system. Sorry to say it but its not even a system period. What we have in front of us are a bunch of politicians that say one thing and take money from corporations behind the scene. They are merely pawns and the recent events have shown that so much more obviously to me. I recently watched, “The Inside Job” and it has shed so much light on the truth.

You see I was around for the internet crash in the 90′s and just starting to try to get my career off to a start. I had such a difficult time breaking into the industry and would hear all these great commercials about getting myself into a high paying carrier. The thing is I was out in around 96 or so and no one wanted someone out of college. Funny how they don’t tell you that fresh out of college. No what companies were looking for was someone who had 10+ years of service. I wouldn’t say 20 years because then you have been developing for too long. Yet I heard these great decelerations all over about how companies couldn’t find qualified individuals… but wait I need to back up a bit. You see the 90′s crash for technology was more than just an internet bubble. Some people will say it was a new technology and a natural shift of something new. It was more than that. It was a time of unregulated and everyone was running in and grabbing what they could. Investors knew that these companies were not really doing anything but the investment firms were giving everyone grade A ranks. So lots of money was sunk into companies with no backing. Telecom industries were also largely invested in. So many different things feed into this, the fiber technology and speculation were huge in those days. In the end billions of dollars were dissolved into nothing and some lost everything others made tons. It was all part of a new era for investors. The staging grounds for something much larger.

The something much larger was the deregulation and derivatives. The movie that I mentioned really went highly in-depth about this. It basically meant that people could now bet on things in the market without actually owning any of the underline, stock, commodity, future or so forth. Basically it meant they could guess the price of electricity and guess what it worked. California now had rolling blackouts and people couldn’t afford the price of electricity. Yes there was a huge scandal behind this, but you know its part of why I say the world is backwards. We have decided to deregulate everything so anything can be gambled on. Which brings us to the current housing market issue. I will bring all this back to politics in a few paragraphs but stick with me. You see the deregulation affected the world and we as selfish self-righteous Americans did this to ourself. The lending companies you loaned from before are the same companies that held your loan. The banks were tight on loans because if the loan was defaulted on then the bank would lose. Not anymore, you see now when you get a loan it goes through another company that then packages them up gives them an investor rating and they are bought off. Now if you understand stocks people buy and sell those almost as stock and the underline future value of those. It was stated that the purpose for loosing up the loan qualifications was so anyone could own a home. So what happened everyone got a home and the price kept going up and up as the loans got more and more archaic so the average buyer didn’t understand the terms. A lot of these loans were put on a floating rate with two mortgages one for the down payment at a higher interest rate and the 2nd at a lower rate both floating. This way the person when buying a home could easily afford a 200k home that the payments would be around $800. The issue was the rate went up and they would end up paying maybe 2k for the same home. I am not sure on the actual math but it created an issue. Also everyone was swamped with debt from credit cards to everything everyone financed a brighter future. Banks were also betting way too deep on everyone being able to pay it off. In a sense we all got greedy. When people started defaulting on loans the whole thing went up in smoke. The banks betting on these loans being paid off lost big time. It was a huge bubble that burst and now every bank was in huge financial trouble. They had way over invested on our accounts and payment of these homes. So thus the government was brought into it and everyone knows the rest of the story… kind of. The government meaning the people bailed out the whole system. Many banks went under and now we have even larger and smaller banks than what we had before. The CEO’s got paid millions in bonuses and the world suffered. Yet its still not the end of the story.

The part that bothers me the most is that the poorest of the poor got hurt. I never thought about it but the people in China that were making $70 a month are the ones that got hurt the hardest and millions of Americans that are also now out of work. The issue is that these people who were put in place, like Alan Greenspan are the same people who praised the idea of derivatives. The people who were the CEO’s of bank corporations are now in Washington helping “regulate” the system. What bothers me worse is that every industry in America is this way, from food to medicine. We are a society based on making rich, richer and leaving the rest out. Now the government has two lobbyist for every one congress person for each bank. Do you have that much power and say? What does the FDA have for each congress person? What is going on here? Why is it that we are more concerned with policing nations and not giving our own healthcare, free education and bettering our society. This is my last statement on this issue but what are we doing?  So really does it matter if we vote Republican or Democratic?  Of course I didn’t dive into everything going on.  I really believe politicians do something.  I mean why wouldn’t they bring up the whole constitutional ban on gay marriage now?  Isn’t that the most important thing going on in our society right now or is it a slight of hand so you don’t see whats really happening?

Resources to read and watch (warning they will upset you):
The inside job (documentary)
The Beautiful Truth (documentary)
8: The Mormon Proposition (documentary)
Killer at Large (documentary)
Maxed out (documentary)
Fathead (documentary)
Food Inc (documentary)

The story of stuff
http://www.guardian.co.uk/environment/2011/may/29/carbon-emissions-nuclearpower?CMP=NECNETTXT766
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/05/30/school-districts-nationwide_n_867223.html?ref=fb&src=sp#sb=606891,b=facebook
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/05/27/judd-gregg-hired-by-goldm_n_868282.html?ref=fb&src=sp#sb=606891,b=facebook